Hello, my friend
When I came back from my sabbatical, I swore I had mastered calm. Regulated. Peaceful. Etc etc etc. Then I lived a normal week and realized I didn’t miss work—I missed being stressed. That itchy quiet? That’s what cortisol addiction feels like when your body has equated speed with safety.
Cortisol Cosplay: When Survival Mode Looks Like Momentum
High achievers are excellent at putting a glossy spin on stress. We call it “drive,” “hustle,” “momentum.” Inside, it’s an overclocked nervous system wearing competence as camouflage. If peace feels wrong at first, you’re not broken—your body just learned that fast = safe.
Why calm can feel uncomfortable at first
- Familiar ≠ safe. If chaos was normal, calm feels foreign (and risky).
- Identity hooks. Being the dependable, fast, high-capacity one gets praise, so your system pairs approval with urgency.
- Productivity = worth. If output earned love or safety, slowing down can feel like disappearing.
The Sticky Trio: Cortisol + Adrenaline + Dopamine
Cortisol mobilizes you. Adrenaline sharpens focus. Dopamine rewards the checkbox “win.” That loop is why you can be wired-but-tired—buzzing yet foggy and depleted.
- Chemical reward: stress spikes feel productive.
- Social reward: “How do you do it all?” becomes fuel.
- Identity reward: competence as camouflage—if I’m effective, I’m okay.
Reframe: cortisol isn’t “bad.” Overuse is. We’re retraining your dose and default, not erasing a normal stress response.
Where It Starts: Patterns That Prime Cortisol Addiction
- Early responsibility / parentification. Safety = doing.
- Unpredictable homes. Volatility trains vigilance; your body scans and solves—constantly.
- Gold-star conditioning. School rewards urgency, speed, and perfection over pacing and presence.
- Relational fawning. Keeping everyone else regulated so the room stays “safe,” while you quietly fall apart.
If calm makes you restless, that’s data. Your nervous system is not sabotaging you—it’s protecting you with an outdated map.
Symptoms: Quiet (But Costly) Signs You’re Running on Cortisol
- Rest days feel “unfinished.”
- External order ≠ inner peace (color-coded chaos).
- Peace feels like laziness; stillness feels itchy.
- Hyper-responsibility (emotional anchor for everyone; won’t be held).
- Everything feels urgent; nothing feels “enough.”
Breaking the Loop (For Real): Tiny, Non-Aesthetic Resets
You don’t need a life overhaul… you need to retrain your body.
90-Second “Nothing” Timer
Set a 90-second timer. Unclench your jaw. Drop your shoulders. Soften your belly. Inhale slowly; exhale longer. Repeat. We’re repatterning, not performing.
Sensory Orientation (when “doing nothing” feels terrible)
Anchor to the room: 5 things you see, 4 feel, 3 hear, 2 smell, 1 taste.
Or pick colors: find 3 green, 3 blue, 3 brown. Direct your attention outward to quiet survival scanning.
Vagus Nerve Stimulation (anytime, anywhere)
- Hum on the exhale (“mmmm”/“vvvv”) for 10–20 seconds.
- Longer exhale than inhale (e.g., in 4, out 6–8).
- Gentle humming while driving counts.
The Somatic Wealth Framework (Daily):
Regulate → Reflect → Rewire
This is the simple loop I use—and teach.
- Regulate: Get out of your head, back into your body (breath, walk, hum, sunlight, or quick co-regulation).
- Reflect: Radical self-compassion. “Of course I feel overwhelmed—look at what I’m holding.” Meet yourself before you try to fix yourself.
- Rewire: Ask, “What’s true right now?” (not the fear-story).
- “It’s okay if the email waits.”
- “One argument doesn’t define our relationship.”
- “I can move this deadline.”
Important: rewiring sticks only after your body feels safe. Regulate first, always.
Quick Wins You Can Use Today
- Calendar cue: two 2-minute regulation blocks between meetings.
- Completion detox: end the day with one intentional unfinished task (“I can stop and still be safe”).
- Phone interrupt: move socials off screen one; add a “Breathe” widget instead.
- Co-regulate on purpose: 20-second heart-to-heart hug after work.
Resources & What’s NexT
- 🎧 Episode 149: 7 quiet red flags of high-functioning burnout (start there if you missed it).
- 🎧 Up next (Episode 151): the nervous-system shift that changed everything.
- 🎁 Free training : leave a quick review, screenshot it, and submit via the link in the show notes for instant access.
Until next time, take care of yourself, regulate often, and live shamelessly ambitious.
xx, Ash
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