Hello my love
I’ve told this story many times—but I’m telling it again because it matters.
To set the stage for today’s conversation, we need to go back to 2022. That year, my family and I were traveling the world full-time. I was running my business intuitively—honestly, from the outside it probably looked like a hot mess. But it worked.
I was creating offers quickly. I wasn’t overthinking. I wasn’t perfecting sales pages or building complicated systems. I had a small but mighty team, and I was riding a creative wave that felt effortless and alive.
And the results? Massive.
I closed out December 2022 with a $70,000 month and over $400,000 for the year. I was happy—truly happy. We were in London for Christmas, celebrating what felt like a once-in-a-lifetime season.
But what I didn’t know then—what I can only see now in hindsight—is that something quietly fractured inside me at the very moment I “made it.”
When success doesn’t feel safe
As I celebrated, a new narrative took root beneath the surface:
This was too easy.
This isn’t replicable.
I don’t deserve this.
I didn’t consciously think those thoughts—but my nervous system felt them.
I loved the success. I wanted to create it again. And because my body didn’t feel safe holding that level of ease and abundance, it panicked.
That panic changed everything.
I decided we needed to “land.”
I needed to get more serious.
I needed to do things the right way.
So I hired more help. I streamlined. I tightened. I perfected. I built what I thought a “real” big business was supposed to look like.
What I actually did was put on a full uniform of perfectionism.
Perfectionism nearly broke me
Perfectionism has always lived in me. I’m a triple Virgo—it’s my strength and my kryptonite. It keeps my life organized and functional… and it also makes it impossible to breathe when things aren’t exactly right.
I applied that same energy to my business for an entire year.
And it wrecked me.
I gained weight. I lost energy. I stopped traveling. I worked constantly. My revenue dropped to around $270,000—still a lot, yes—but I was working ten times harder and enjoying none of it.
For the first time in my life, I wasn’t growing year over year.
My identity cracked.
So in early 2024, I did something bold: I took a five-month sabbatical. I walked away from the thing I had wrapped my entire sense of worth around.
I didn’t know what was wrong—I just knew I couldn’t keep going.
The truth I didn’t want to face
What I uncovered during that sabbatical changed everything.
I realized I had been operating from a belief that success—or money—would allow me to finally be the person I wanted to be.
That’s the have–do–be model:
When I have this, I’ll do that, and then I’ll finally be her.
But that model doesn’t work.
The nervous system doesn’t move that way.
The real order is be–do–have:
You become her first.
The actions follow naturally.
The results become inevitable.
In 2022, without realizing it, I had been living as my future self. I said yes to what felt good. I said no to what didn’t. I built my days around my values.
And then I got scared of how easy it felt.
Why “acting as if” actually works
Here’s the science piece that matters:
Your nervous system’s only job is to keep you alive—not to make you happy, wealthy, or fulfilled.
Anything unfamiliar—even something good—can be coded as unsafe until it’s practiced.
That’s why abundance can feel threatening.
That’s why ease can feel suspicious.
That’s why we sabotage the very things we want.
“Acting as if” works because your nervous system does not distinguish between what’s real and what’s rehearsed.
When you repeatedly live from the identity you desire—choosing based on values, feelings, and safety—your body learns:
This is who we are now. This is safe.
That’s when things start to magnetize toward you.
Not because you’re forcing.
But because you’re congruent.
Becoming her is about safety, not mindset
Becoming the next version of yourself isn’t about pretending.
It’s not “fake it till you make it.”
And it’s definitely not about adding more to your plate.
It’s about asking:
- What feeling do I think this goal will give me?
- Where does that feeling already exist in my life?
- How can I magnify that now?
Because the feeling is the point.
The thing is just a symbol.
When I stopped outsourcing the feeling I wanted to external success—and started creating it daily—everything shifted.
Again.
A note on resourcing your nervous system
Over the last six months, I’ve also intentionally supported my nervous system in new ways—one of them being consistent microdosing. Not to change who I am, but to create more space to be who I already am.
For me, this has meant:
- less looping and perfectionism
- more emotional flexibility
- increased neuroplasticity
- a wider window of tolerance
I personally use products from Golden Rule (specifically Soul Gummies and Superflow), and I share this not as a requirement—but as one of the tools that supported my ability to stay in the be–do–have identity.
You don’t need this to become her.
But you do need support.
The real work of becoming
Becoming her happens in micro-moments:
- the decision you make when no one’s watching
- the thing you stop doing instead of adding more
- the choice that prioritizes safety over proving
Action breeds confidence.
Repetition builds safety.
And safety is what allows expansion to last.
If there’s one thing I want you to take from this episode, it’s this:
You don’t become her by chasing the life you want.
You become her by letting your body feel safe living it—first.
I love you.
See you next episode.
xx, Ash
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