Freaking whew. As I sit down to share my thoughts with you, I want you to know that this is nottttt what I had in mind for my typical end-of-year reflection & celebration of achievements. No, this is a raw, unfiltered conversation about the messy middle. The unpredictable journey of life… the one where you’re an ambitious soul navigating a lot of shit both personal and business.

Burnout’s Calling 📞

Life has a funny way of throwing curveballs, doesn’t it? I’ve been sick for four fucking weeks and it’s really been hard to find the joy in this season of life. But, you know what I have found? I’ve found myself in the whirlwind of sickness, hospital visits for me and my kids, coughing up blood, recurring fevers… just so many unexpected challenges. It’s been a stark awakening for me really.

I would like to be able to tell you that I’m not burning out. && I would like to be able to tell you that all is well, I’ll be great, and I’ll pick myself back up again. But being so uselessly sick for this long has made it impossible not to witness certain patterns that I’ve had throughout the year. The frustration and anger that I’ve been feeling so deep in my core because I’m not getting things done that I want to is alarming.

I’ve realized I have done a really phenomenal job in my life of batching days and being mindful of my procrastination or multitasking to protect my energy. I’m grateful for that because those practices have served me well. However when it comes to the emotional response that I’ve had lately, I know there’s something a little bit more deep-seated.

I can’t lean into the comfort of my planning and my scheduling. 

I’m also becoming so aware of my social media intake and along with that I’ve been feeling a lot of comparison.

Through all this chaos, the pressure to be in control, especially as an integrity filled business coach, has triggered imposter syndrome, forcing me to confront emotions I thought I had healed.

If you know me, you know it’s very important to me that I practice what I preach. However, over the last month I haven’t been practicing what I preach. And, of course I’m not. But I’m having these weird, dichotomous, back and forth conversations of like, “it makes sense that I’m not,” “it makes sense that I can’t do these things,” but why am I feeling this stuff?

There are root emotions that I have healed to an extent, but not truly dug into.

But even though I feel like I’ve been tending to my garden and doing deep healing, I’m anxious because 2023 was not my favorite year ever.

It feels like a year in limbo. From nomadic living to building and buying our dream home in Texas, there’s just a lot of things that don’t feel right.

I bought my dream car and named her Millie because I knew I’d hit $1M in my business this year. We have a beautiful custom home with the most beautiful furniture, but it doesn’t feel right. 

There’s something tugging on my heart and although I don’t know what it is right now, I am so dedicated to figuring out what it is. I feel so naked sharing this because the imposter syndrome hits in of…

Can I be a good leader if I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing right now? 

Logically, I know, yes. But it just has me thinking… The most peculiar form of human behavior is doing the same thing over and over and over again, even though you know it’s not serving you. Or avoiding doing something when it hurts you.

I’ve been doing something over and over and avoiding what I knew I needed to change. You see, I’ve had this deep soul call to just stop for a second. I know I don’t want to go the wrong direction or follow the wrong map but I was too scared to take action.

I realized that the biggest fear I carried on pulling back was that I wouldn’t be able to pay my team. I have a team of four beautiful women who are actively working on my business every month that I shell out about $6,000 for. Now, that’s not me complaining because I adore them deeply and appreciate all they do. But as the leader, I’ve been carrying this responsibility to maintain their pay. However, this deep soul call is telling me to pull back and in order to create space for me to comfortably do so, I had to drastically cut back on all my team’s hours.

I also decided to take a break from recording the Shamelessly Ambitious podcast for a while. This is just another easy thing I can take off my plate right now to figure out what’s next for my family. The podcast will be returning on March 5.

I also decided to take a break from socials for the entire month of January. If you’re wondering where you can find me, I’ll be pouring my heart into the Empire Society and into my private and super juicy email list.

This was a lot and it wasn’t an easy decision to come to, but I truly believe that my body is forcing me to slow down and assess the things that haven’t felt 100% right all year. I’ve gotta pull back to go forward and that’s exactly what I’m doing.

Love you, friend. We’ll chat again soon.

Ash

P.S. If you want my real EOY protocol, the strategies and questions I act myself to reflect & celebrate each year, DM me “new year” or email me if you’re reading this in January because I won’t see your message.
Also, we have just two more spots for REDEFINE and applications close January 1. This isn’t your average mentorship I can promise you that.