Episode 205
It’s my birthday week. I’m turning 39. && I’m coming in with something that’s been sitting with me for a while that I just had to say out loud.
It’s kind of chic to know where you suck.
Not in a self-deprecating, beat yourself up kind of way. In a radical self-awareness, this is actually the most efficient thing you can do for your business && your life kind of way. Because here’s what I’ve watched over twelve-plus years of doing this: people don’t plateau because of their weaknesses. They plateau because they pretend not to have any.
First, What’s Actually Going On
This is an Ash Unplugged episode, which means you get the real behind-the-scenes before we get into the good stuff.
I’m turning 39 this week, which means I’ve got one year left in my 30s. I’m being fully, shamelessly spoiled. My best friend took me to the spa. I’ve got a girls’ brunch, a family weekend, && a 10-day trip to Europe at the end of September that I cannot stop thinking about. Barcelona to see a friend && colleague, then Rome to meet my best friend, because when in Rome, literally, why the hell not.
The summer was beautiful && also really hard. I had things I wanted to accomplish that felt near impossible to fit in. The kids’ schedules were relentless. We had unexpected costs pop up constantly, car repairs, back to school fees that totaled over $1,200 before we even bought clothes, braces for two kids, sports costs. The economy is rough && I felt it. Every month this summer we went over budget on things I couldn’t have predicted, && that kind of financial pressure is something I’m just going to be honest about because pretending otherwise doesn’t serve either of us.
We also experienced a death in the family this summer. A cousin of mine, only 29. It was sudden && unexpected, && grief like that, the kind that hits without warning, just sits in the pit of your belly && doesn’t fully move regardless of how much life keeps moving around it. That’s been in the background of everything.
I’m also actively getting ready to launch MIXTAPE for the very first time, which opens September 21st && will only ever be available to waitlisters. Not a public launch, not a big splashy campaign. Just the people who are already in, who already get it. I’ll talk more about MIXTAPE further down, because I genuinely cannot help myself.
It’s Kinda Chic To…
A client told me about this trend she’d seen on social media, “kinda chic to blank,” && it stuck. Because there’s a list of things I really believe right now that aren’t sexy enough to go viral but are the actual work. So here’s mine.
It’s kinda chic to admit when you’re the bottleneck. Not to shame yourself about it. To actually use that information. I’ve had to look at myself more than once and go: I am the reason this isn’t moving. And the moment I can say that clearly, I can do something about it. I can’t fix what I can’t name.
It’s kinda chic to change your mind. And specifically, to outgrow your own advice. I’ve spent years trying to slow down, lean into the feminine, take things at a more measured pace. && honestly? It broke me. It sucked the life out of me to try to be something I’m not. My ADHD brain, my ambitious nature, the part of me that is insatiable when I’m lit up, those aren’t problems to manage down. They’re features. My advice has changed because my experience has changed, && I’m not going to keep teaching something that didn’t actually work for me.
It’s kinda chic to stop using your personality type as an excuse. I love Human Design. I love Enneagram. I love cycle syncing. I am not against any of it. But I have watched people use these tools as reasons to not do things rather than frameworks for doing things better. Knowing you’re a projector, knowing you’re an Enneagram 7, knowing you have ADHD, that’s empowering information. Using it to explain why you can’t show up consistently is just avoidance with better branding. The data is meant to help you build a life that works for your brain. Not to let you off the hook.
It’s kinda chic to hire for your weaknesses. && to know that your weaknesses are different from everyone else’s. I would never outsource my social media because my content is my thought leadership && my voice, and it just doesn’t work when it’s not me. But that is not a universal rule. For some people, social media is genuinely a gap && outsourcing it is the right move. The point is knowing the difference for yourself instead of following blanket advice about what you should && shouldn’t delegate.
It’s kinda chic to be coachable. This is one I have to actively work on, and I’m being honest about that. As a therapist && coach myself, I don’t naturally sit in the receiver seat very often. But being coachable means being willing to actually hear the people who know you best. For me, that’s my husband. He knows me more deeply than anyone, && when he tells me something, I’m learning to actually listen instead of immediately explaining why he’s missing context.
It’s kinda chic to tell the truth about what’s hard. I’ve already done some of this above with the summer stuff. But I want to name it as a principle because I think it’s one of the most underused tools in entrepreneurship. Not venting, not complaining, but honest transparency about what’s actually difficult. That’s how you create know, like, && trust. That’s how people feel seen by you. That’s how connection happens, && connection is how you build a business that lasts.
It’s kinda chic to understand your nervous system. Not just as a wellness practice but as a business strategy. Knowing what triggers you, knowing what your dysregulation looks like from the inside, knowing the difference between a real problem && a nervous system response masquerading as one. I had a client recently who’d snapped at her husband over something small && was taking full responsibility for it. Which I loved. But I stopped her && said: let’s not just apologize, let’s ask why. Because we don’t react out of character for no reason. We react because something underneath needed attention. If we just fix the surface behavior without looking at the root, it keeps coming back.
It’s kinda chic to stop faking confidence && actually build it. Fake it till you make it is fun && not entirely wrong. But you can’t live there forever. Real confidence comes from doing the uncomfortable thing && surviving it. From taking action && collecting evidence that you can. I have a client right now doing mirror work, standing in front of her own reflection for 60 to 90 seconds a day, doing nothing except looking at herself. Not affirmations, not anything fancy. Just practicing the discomfort of being seen by herself. Because that muscle, the self-witnessing muscle, is the foundation underneath everything else.
Self-Awareness Is the Highest-Leverage Business Skill Nobody Is Selling
Here’s the thread underneath all of it.
The reason I built MIXTAPE is because I have watched incredibly intelligent, capable, ambitious women stay stuck for years. && the gap is almost never strategy. It’s almost never a marketing problem or a positioning problem or an offer problem. It’s that they haven’t been able to see themselves clearly enough to know what’s actually happening.
The ability to tell the difference between a strategy problem && a psychology problem is worth more than any tactic I could ever teach you. && most people are solving for tactics because tactics feel actionable. But if you’re carrying a belief that your revenue is your worth, no launch strategy is going to save you. If you’re dysregulated every time someone doesn’t buy from you, no content calendar is going to fix that. If you’ve lost the thread of why you’re doing any of this, no new offer is going to reconnect you to it.
That’s what MIXTAPE is for. It’s audio. Eight core tapes. Ongoing bonus content. No lock-in. Cancel anytime. It opens September 21st && will only ever be available to people on the waitlist, so if you want in, get on the list now. The link is in the show notes.
One More Thing
I’m coming back to social media on my birthday. August 28th. Just for a few weeks, because I’m heading to Europe at the end of September && I genuinely want to share it. Not a permanent return. Not a grand announcement. Just a woman who’s going to Barcelona && Rome && wants to document it.
I’ve been off since last spring && it’s been good for me. But I also know myself well enough to know I need to be intentional about it when I come back, because I am a scroller by nature && the all-or-nothing in me is real. So I’m going in with eyes open && a plan to get back out.
“People don’t plateau because of their weaknesses. They plateau because they pretend not to have any.”
Thank you for being here, especially on my birthday week. If this episode hit something real for you, share it with someone who needs the permission to just be honest about where they’re at.
If MIXTAPE has been on your radar, the waitlist is open September 21st. This is the program I built specifically for the ambitious woman who knows what she wants && keeps getting in her own way. Listen now!
xx, Ash 🖤
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